FUKITOL FDA Aprroval Pending

OK so I cannot take any medicine since I am pregnant...I wonder if the above is FDA approved and comes in a prenatal vitamin? I am tired. Tired of stressing, tired of worrying, tired of being TIRED. So this pill would be AWESOME! Can you even imagine? A mind eraser...just puts you in the "who gives a shit" mode!
So the bedroom is PACKED!! So I am down to the kitchen which is DREADFUL. I have so much crap shoved into the kitchen cabinets it is unreal. Hubby is going to be so proud of me when he sees all I have accomplished during my anxiety prone packing frenzy tonight. Was my escape from thinking about crazy stuff and being hormonal! So that is one less thing to do :-) YIPPEE FOR CHERYL!
I ate waaaaaaaaaaaay too much today..I got in the car and drove to Taco Bell (yes I thought of you Chris) at 10am because I NEEDED IT BADLY! THEN...went by my parents this afternoon and Ill be damned that Dad is going to town cooking "for his developing grandbaby" so I ate BBQ and crap. Then I get home and eat leftovers....now guess what? Yes I feel SICK! Trying not to think about it and just suck on my sour candy (love you Kate!)
Ok I am done..good night to all!

Bob was Blind!

So when we were at the beach the week before last I decided to wade in the rather turbulent ocean. It was all good until it WIPED MY ASS OUT...I not only lost the top of my swimming suit (and those of you who know me know that I am well....busty?) my glasses were gone. I KNOW I KNOW! WHY DID I HAVE THEM ON? Honestly because I have this idea that I will see a jelly fish/shark/crab/man-eating fish/or hell a hot lifeguard while in the ocean. The lifeguard I saw..until I lost the glasses. Think Baywatch ladies with a southern accent! So I have been BLIND for almost 2 weeks which means no driving...no reading the close captioning on the TV and well being frustrated! I found hubby's old glasses and wore them to watch TV I could see with them on great but upon taking them off a lovely migraine would set in. I just envision Sponge Bob with glasses! That is why they were washed away! And the swimsuit top? Not sure dont have a good remark for that one. Cheap thrill of the 80 year old leather skinned man on the beach?

On the baby front..I am hungry and sick at the same time. That is the most annoying feeling in the world! Oh and my pre-pregnancy monster bust is GROOOOOOOOOOOOOWING!! But dammit TMI but I am so excited-I never "really had" nipples and dammit I do now! I look at them with a proud heart and feel like that real woman! I should sing! "You make me feel...You make me feel...you make me feel like a naaaaaaaaatural woooooooman" No I am not drinking! Alcohol is a NO NO NO with little grape in mommy's tummy! Yep we have graduated to the size of a grape. Wonder if that has something to do with my grape juice addiction??

Ok shutting up: I apologize.

Monday Night

OK so I packed and fretted all day versus posting. But I am still here dammit just a little late. Not sure if anyone is reading my blog anyhow. Had an OK day for the most part I guess. Got some packing done, only have felt sick to my stomach this evening (was craving chili...BAD IDEA). I wanted to get pregnant SO BAD. It was all I thought about. I couldnt even be around pregnant people, babies, or look at the baby section without being completely depressed and sad (so I avoided these things entirely). Now that I am pregnant, I AM SCARED TO DEATH! It is like my mind wont let me be excited which is what I AM SUPPOSED TO BE well I thought I would be. I am not sure what I am to be quite honest. One minute it is exciting the next I am "what the fuck did I do?" Is this normal first mom-to-be jitters/anxiety? Does it get better? Am I nuts?
According to my calendar TODAY my embryo graduated to being a fetus. Kinda cool. I still "dont believe it" and just doesnt seem possible to be real! We go to the doctor next Tuesday the 12th and not sure what will go on. Think we will hear a heartbeat? Probably too soon for an ultrasound..THOUGH I WANT ONE SO BADLY!! Well I am off to pack for a little longer then going to bed! Thats another worry-I love my sleep, after the baby am I going to be a stark raving bitch cuz I never will sleep again?? If I dont sleep it IS NOT PRETTY. Worries Worries...

Another Day...

Sunday it is today has been LONG and it is not even dark outside yet. It is amazing to me that having a friend over and staying up most the night (which is nothing new) just about killed me. I am bitchy, tired, my lower back aches and just BLAH. I am guessing being pregnant makes all nighters a little more difficult? Was OK last night..but today...well enough said.
Beth: thank you for the preggy pop info! I am sticking to sour hard candy now because preggy pops are EXPENSIVE and are the same thing as just plain ol' sour candy. THANKS!
Vicki: you are an angel! your knowledge eases my mind and calms my soul. you are a friend first and foremost!
So this post's question: Lower back ache..normal? Not PAIN..but just an achy feeling...maybe gas? Doesnt feel like gas, sure pregnancy is new to me but I have had gas a couple times in 28 years LOL. Oh...2 months 5 days first day to throw up. Well, I wouldnt call it "puking" but it was just vile stomach acid and that is about it. As soon as I finished that I was STARVING and ready to eat. OK this is completely insane!

Saturday Stressing...

Ok so I skipped a day...SORRY!
It is Saturday morning and it has been a LONG NIGHT of worry, tummy issues (NEEDED to puke and just didnt want to happen), and restless sleep. New worries?

• Getting FAT..I am already overweight and have had weight issues for my whole life. Food always sends me into a guilt mode. So, now I am pregnant (2 months 3 days) and seem to ALREADY be swelling up lower waist. Freaks me out to be honest. Sure I look forward to a preggy belly...but fat scares me!
• We need to move in less than 3 weeks...awesome and exciting one problem WE HAVE NO PLACE TO LIVE! Our loan doesnt go into effect until August 1st due to my job....Hubby needs to start work...renting is A JOKE in southern communities and quite frankly a WASTE when we want a house!
• Packing...OK I would love to get packed up and ready to go but my energy and motivation is PFFFFFFFFT! I just dont "FEEL LIKE" doing anything! I feel icky a lot of the time (wont do the TMI for everyone) but just dont feeeeeeeeeeel good.

Todays agenda: have to go to 2 games. Niece's softball and Nephew's baseball ok am I an evil aunt to PRAY FOR THE RAIN AND STORMS THEY ARE PREDICTING? Sitting out in the hot and humid afternoon just does not tickle my fancy. On top of that my night (see above) wasnt too glorious. But I feel guilty because we are "leaving them" to move and I do love them. Yeah Yeah I know buck up and go. I will just UGH...

So that is my Saturday, tomorrow is still up in the air. Probably go visit my parents and vent to them (well to mom anyway...dad doesnt deal well with my venting). And PACK...yeah..my mission will be 2 boxes done...that is an OK goal isnt it? Considering I need to do 1/2 the house still?

LOVE TO ALL AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME JUST "GET IT OUT" Will be posting some pics soon!

Mindless Ramblings

Picture is one I found at www.babycenter.com that is charting my calendar...what my baby "supposedly" looks like today!

So today is another day. Hubby read his letter I left him and I got really GOOD loving this morning. He is incredibly stressed out right along with me and that seems to be the source of my misconceptions on the issues. So I am watching "A Baby Story" on TLC and freaking myself out. Makes me so excited but scared! Have mothers really been having these kinds of anxieties for thousands of years? I just cannot imagine going through a pregnancy around 1800 A.D. Can you imagine? Hell back then a period was a "curse" so what did that make pregnancy? I have to have a C-Section due to past eye disease (cannot "push" because of fear of my retinas rupturing). So that is another anxiety. On the "Baby Story" today was a C-section. The only part that looked scary was the epidural. And the fact that they put a drape in front of your face??? Dont you get to see and have the baby put on you as soon as it is removed? Maybe that was just her....anyone know?

With my anxiety I have already cleaned out all the crap from the bathroom in preparation to move. Later I plan to tackle the dresser drawers and GET RID of a lot of clothes. Clothes I swear Ill wear but never do (and as my belly grows...I might as well just get rid of them now!) I want to move the minimal amount as we are moving a great distance and do not want to pack a bunch of BS that we can replace/dont need/or in my case have been "hoarding" for no reason. If anyone has a couple hours to spare, I could really use some help! Fresh ice tea and cookies here! Anyone wanting to be bribed?

Hormonal?

So all this is new to me. All the feelings and fear. So many doubts and questions inside of myself and I think my poor husband is going through it as well. I have been thinking irrational things that upset me, and this cannot be good for me nor the baby. But I am scared hubby doesnt want the baby. He is worrying about financial aspects and the whole deal. See he went through HELL in his former marriage with his ex wife and his children. It ended horribly and the children were turned against him. His past seems to haunt him..and it does me too. It scares the shit out of me for the both of us. So tonight I have sat down and wrote him a letter. He works second shift so I am long asleep when he gets home. Here goes:
My love,
So what's up? I am guessing a lot of this is hormonal, but I know that the child inside of me is yours. I know it has the most wonderful parents in the world. Yes, it is very scary even though you have "been there and done that" it scares you as much as it scares me. I hate myself for thinking about bad things happening to this pregnancy. I pray the life inside of me cannot sense these thoughts and negative energies. But you know I would do anything for you. I am just scared, not scared about the DNA test, we can have 100 DNA tests done if you want. This baby is yours. We made it together with love and passion. I want you to be the father that you never had the full opportunity to be. I told you 8 years ago when I met you that I believed in you and that as long as we stick by each other we can accomplish anything. We are both strong individuals who have so much wisdom from our life experiences and that is why I am pregnant, because we as parents may not be rich financially, but we are rich in knowledge. Our child will be so lucky to have us as parents!
OK...that is as far as I have gotten. Let me explain. Hubby was married before as I had mentioned. After raising a baby for 2 years and the marriage beginning to fall apart, the child wound up not being his. It hurt and damage him as a father and as a man. I cannot blame him at all, I cannot imagine what that could be like!So that is the truth behind the DNA test thing. I admit, sure I should refuse, but I love him and sometimes we have to support the ones we love so fully even with their insecurities. Why the hell am I so scared? I guess because this is new to me and I feel like he shouldnt be scared?! Are we both going through the same thing? He can be a very "hard" man....and sometimes that leads me to doubting myself. Am I delusional? Advice? Please lets try not to be negative.