So all this is new to me. All the feelings and fear. So many doubts and questions inside of myself and I think my poor husband is going through it as well. I have been thinking irrational things that upset me, and this cannot be good for me nor the baby. But I am scared hubby doesnt want the baby. He is worrying about financial aspects and the whole deal. See he went through HELL in his former marriage with his ex wife and his children. It ended horribly and the children were turned against him. His past seems to haunt him..and it does me too. It scares the shit out of me for the both of us. So tonight I have sat down and wrote him a letter. He works second shift so I am long asleep when he gets home. Here goes:
My love,
So what's up? I am guessing a lot of this is hormonal, but I know that the child inside of me is yours. I know it has the most wonderful parents in the world. Yes, it is very scary even though you have "been there and done that" it scares you as much as it scares me. I hate myself for thinking about bad things happening to this pregnancy. I pray the life inside of me cannot sense these thoughts and negative energies. But you know I would do anything for you. I am just scared, not scared about the DNA test, we can have 100 DNA tests done if you want. This baby is yours. We made it together with love and passion. I want you to be the father that you never had the full opportunity to be. I told you 8 years ago when I met you that I believed in you and that as long as we stick by each other we can accomplish anything. We are both strong individuals who have so much wisdom from our life experiences and that is why I am pregnant, because we as parents may not be rich financially, but we are rich in knowledge. Our child will be so lucky to have us as parents!
OK...that is as far as I have gotten. Let me explain. Hubby was married before as I had mentioned. After raising a baby for 2 years and the marriage beginning to fall apart, the child wound up not being his. It hurt and damage him as a father and as a man. I cannot blame him at all, I cannot imagine what that could be like!So that is the truth behind the DNA test thing. I admit, sure I should refuse, but I love him and sometimes we have to support the ones we love so fully even with their insecurities. Why the hell am I so scared? I guess because this is new to me and I feel like he shouldnt be scared?! Are we both going through the same thing? He can be a very "hard" man....and sometimes that leads me to doubting myself. Am I delusional? Advice? Please lets try not to be negative.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Blog Archive
About Me
- Cheryl
- I am a 28 year old married female. I am pregnant with my first child and am very excited/scared/anxious and paranoid on this fact. I am a special education teacher who has a true and utter passion for the education of special needs individuals. I lost my hearing when I was 12 years old for an undisclosed reason. It is still a mystery. Recieved a cochlear implant at age 15 and am able to hear almost "normally" with it on. www.cochlear.com
Cats In the Cradle
1 comment:
Guess what.....EVERY father-to-be is the financial worry-wart. It's their job. :) They can't eat for the baby, rest for the baby, carry the baby...all they can do is worry & plan. The book I always recommend for dads-to-be is called "The Expectant Father". It's like 'what to expect when you're expecting' for dads. ;) And as far as his history goes, well sweetheart, I believe you've done everything you can do. He is the one who has to breathe, and relax, and accept and love. He'll get there. You're only a few weeks into the whole concept of "family"! Don't worry too much. Whether it's a planned or surprise pregnancy, all parents go through the fear/heebie-jeebies/crazy dreams during the first trimester. Just remember...this child is inside of you - she eats what you eat, and can feel some of what you feel - that includes feeling loved and wanted. Congratulations, sugar - you're going to be a great Mommy. :)
Post a Comment